First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. So, I did just that: love, marriage, the baby.
We got pregnant quickly and miscarried even quicker and then years went by. The longest, emptiest most exhausting years. My friends and family had babies, co-workers had babies, my sister had her first and became pregnant with her second and others had babies on "accident"!
Unexplained... unspecified... indeterminate...
These were the words used to describe my journey. No doctor had an answer, "You are both in perfect health and there seems to be nothing 'wrong' with you, so just keep trying"...
After several years we started to seek out other options and decided to start looking into IUI and IVF. We started acupuncture, dancing under the full moon, and tons of apps, trackers, and diet modifications. I read everything I could about unexplained infertility and every single book, blog, and doctor had a different opinion or trick to try.
After 6 months of IUI, I had a horrible reaction after one of the procedures and couldn't walk or stand for 48 hours. I was in incredible pain and so tired of being poked and scanned that I just wanted to scream. I cried for a couple of days and decided to take a break and maybe just stop the madness. I gave myself permission to drink a glass of wine without guilt and go for long runs without worry. I threw out all of my ovulation strips and just LIVED. It was incredibly freeing but I was still very disappointed.
My best friend (who was also on the journey to get pregnant with unexplained infertility) told me just days later that she was pregnant. We both cried tears of joy and we were in shock together. She was so concerned that her pregnancy would make me more upset, but I had nothing but excitement and love for her and her family.
Four weeks later, after feeling more exhausted than usual after work, I took a pregnancy test... and it was positive! My doctor discovered that my hormone levels were extremely volatile causing me to have difficulty becoming and staying pregnant. They were able to monitor me very closely and we made it out of the first trimester where we became "stable".
It was a wonderful pregnancy. My family and friends cried so many tears of joy when we finally shared the news. My best friend and I carried out the majority of our pregnancies together and delivered just weeks apart.
My following pregnancies were right behind one another and we now have 3 beautiful children and a house full of giggles and pitter-pattering feet where it was once very quiet and very still. I am so thankful that I had such a supportive group of women always backing me.
My husband and I grew individually and even more so as a couple. My faith grew and strengthened me beyond anything I could have experienced without the adventure of motherhood. However, the groundwork for my faith was laid when I was burning the midnight oil and barren, when I was crying out and pleading for the chance to carry life. I am in no way the same person that I was before I was a mother, and I am so thankful that I was allowed to have that chance. Honored, blessed, and highly favored. Thank you Jesus and praise be to His Name.
I've had many people ask me what advice I would give to others on the journey to have children. I've told them that a little bit of grace goes a long way. Give yourself grace: your body, mind, spirit. Give your partner grace and be open with them. Surround yourself with strong women and find a community.
Something else that really helped me (personally) was that I decided to do something else that was challenging and consuming to help me "move forward in life". I completed my master's in Nursing. It was hard watching so many others move forward in these big milestones, so I decided to concentrate on moving forward in a different way. It made me feel less stagnate and I had something to look forward to.
Everyone's journey is so very different, but you can learn to find an inner peace regardless of the outward struggle.
~Chea
