Lee and I meet in 2008 through mutual college friends. After dating for four years Lee asked me to marry him. In June of 2012 we tied the knot. Within a month of marriage, we set out to South Padre Island, TX due to a military assignment. After getting settled we decided the time was right to start growing our family. After trying naturally for 6 months with no luck, my endocrinologist suggested that due to hormone issues and my battle of polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS), that I seek additional testing from a fertility specialist. Both of us were tested by the fertility specialist to pin point the issue. The specialist told us that we would never have biological children of our own and to basically "give up".
With much sadness and disappointment we tabled the idea of creating a life. Other options of raising and nurturing a child were discussed. However, In October of 2014 we got the surprise of a lifetime. We had gone from discussing adoption to a positive pregnancy test. I had visited my OBGYN for conformation and there were TWO heartbeats! We could not have been more excited to prepare for twin boys. During the discovery that I was carrying twins, I quickly learned that I was particularly high risk, I was not only carrying twins but Mono-Mono Twins. This means that the boys shared one amniotic sack, one chorion and one placenta. This is very rare as it only happens in 1 out of 10,000 births. Due to the additional risk I was scheduled to deliver via C-section at only 26 weeks and the boys would have only a 50/50 chance of survival.
As if that didn't make us fearful enough, at 20 weeks I went in for a regular ultrasound follow up to receive devastating news. There was no fetal heartbeat or fetal blood flow. There was no prior indicator that I had lost the babies; literally no indicators telling me something, anything was wrong.
I was supposed to attend my baby shower the next day (since my delivery date was in 6 weeks) but instead had an emergency DNC procedure. I was in absolute denial and had requested one more ultrasound prior to being wheeled into the operating room.
Struggling to accept reality, I needed to see that monitor one more time. During the procedure the DNC machine malfunctioned and I had to endure a manual DNC procedure. A procedure that should have lasted roughly thirty minutes took five hours, along with hemorrhaging and blood transfusions. My life was on the line.
Meanwhile, Lee sat patiently in the waiting room scared that he was going to lose his wife along with the children that he so desperately wanted to father. The pain that I endured was not only emotional but physical as well. Side effects from the procedure left me debilitated while my body struggled to heal from the traumatic procedure. I struggled to overcome the emotional aspects of the loss and was blessed to work from home at the time. Lee buried his emotions in work for temporary relief and upheld a strong shoulder for me to lean on, but I know he was just as devastated on the inside.
Shortly after the loss of the boys, Lee was reassigned and we were fortunate enough to move to my hometown of Pearland, TX. At the time I was still working in the medical field and I was able to return to work at Texas Children's Hospital where I faced daily struggles working with my patients that were children. Wanting to be a mother so badly this was a very difficult time for me. After adjusting and taking the time that we needed to heal, we decided we would seek support of the best fertility clinic Houston had to offer. After various testing, I had exploratory surgeries to remove scar tissue, and other forms of fertility treatments (clomid, IUI, basal thermal monitoring, etc.) multiple times, and yet we had no success.
In November of 2016, we decided to give IVF a try after saving and taking out loans. The loan we had taken out was used for the egg retrieval, cryopreservation and the initial first round of IVF. The outlook seemed promising with the amount of eggs that were retrieved and fertilized and the remaining eggs were placed in cryopreservation. The first round of IVF had two eggs that were implanted to increase the odds of a viable pregnancy. After two long weeks of waiting we found out that the embryos did not take.
Once more money was saved for second round, we decided to give IVF another go. This time, it took a bit longer to save as I decided to share my passion of healthcare and medicine by switching careers and becoming a high school teacher. It is a great pleasure to work with children and assist them on a career path in healthcare. We went back to the fertility specialist in May 2018 for what we thought was the beginning process of IVF round two. We instead were informed that testing the embryos for viability was now needed prior to being able to begin round two. So we saved even more and asked friends and family for assistance to help make our dream a reality. After testing the viability and still having enough embryos, God answered our prayers--the second round of IVF worked and I was pregnant! Our joy was short lived however. Early on I started having bleeding and clotting issues and frequent visits for emergency ultrasounds. I miscarried around 10 weeks pregnant.
We continued to be hopeful and prayed to be blessed with children. So after grieving the loss of our 16-year-old Chihuahua, we decided to save yet again and did a third IVF transfer in December 2018. This time it was unsuccessful with no explanation of why.
With our last 2 embryos left, we decided summer of 2019 would be the perfect timing to rest and de-stress after more loss was endured in our family--our 12 year old Weimaraner passed away on the last day of school and then a week later, my grandfather passed away. It certainly had been a difficult year filled with loss, but we were sure the summer of 2019 was going to turn all this sadness around, right? Well, in fact, it did! Lee was deployed on a military mission, but my friends and family were there to help with the last and final fourth round of IVF. I was indeed pregnant again!! Lee and I had decided I would not tell him the news until he came home from his deployment mission. So if I was pregnant; I could do the big surprise to announce it.
Unfortunately, at 9 weeks pregnant my HCG levels were not increasing/doubling as they should and the doctor informed me that although I had no other signs like bleeding and such, the lack of my numbers increasing indicates an impending miscarriage. I was crushed and in denial again. They repeated my blood work several times, yet the result remained the same. I officially miscarried the day Lee came home.
We continued to do additional blood work and other testing after the last loss, but no conclusive findings were found. The professional medical researcher in me just wanted answers as to what's wrong and I've learned to come to reason is that we may never know. The doctors too do not have an explanation other than the PCOS along with an unidentifiable infertility.
Adoption has always been something that we have discussed and wanted to do despite having biological children or not; we just got swept up in the whirlwind of fertility treatments. After this last miscarriage in August 2019, we decided my body has been through enough and this must be God’s sign for us to focus on adoption. Because of all the expenses associated with IVF and fertility treatments not being covered by insurance, it had hit us hard financially. As soon as we found our adoption agency, we started saving instantly. However, our family consisting of being a public school teacher and active duty military service member, it has taken us some time to accrue to get started in the adoption process.
Lee and I both have a large extended family, so family values and relationships are important to us. We have 5 nieces and 1 rambunctious little boy that is our Godchild. Our lives are centered around children-both family and close friends; and it is evident how much we light up when we get to interact with them. There was no desire greater than of ours wanting and hoping to become parents. We have had a very long and sad journey but we remained hopeful that we one day soon get to accomplish this dream of the joy of parenthood. We had lived, breathed, and slept of having a family for so long we finally decided to reconnect as a couple and took a big road trip during the summer of 2021. We had traveled to Big Bend in Texas, then New Mexico and Arizona. Little did we know, this was essentially our babymoon!
About a week after returning from our trip feeling refreshed, we were watching TV on the couch and my phone rang at 10pm from an unknown number in Austin. I “screened” it for a second and then it dawned on me, our adoption agency is from Austin, so I answered. It was here, the director informed us that a baby boy was born earlier that evening and the birthmother decided to place him for adoption. They showed her our look book as well as other potential families; here she decided on us and one other family. Now, we had to have a TEAMS meeting the following day with her, which was the most nerve-wracking interview we ever had, that is until the moment she interrupted us and said, “Oh my goodness, it’s you guys! My heart and mind tell me you should be his adoptive parents”. The social worker then stated, we needed to pack our bags immediately and head to San Antonio. After the 4-hour drive, we went straight to the hospital and into the NICU where we were greeted by all the medical staff. They led us to his area, and it is here we met our precious baby boy. Tears of joy filled our bodies and it felt like a dream. We still had a long road ahead with a few medical issues that had us in the hospital for over 2 weeks. This still just seems like yesterday, but our son turns 2 years old in July.
While our journey hit many lows, it also had highs and we are so proud to share the unique experience with the world. The most difficult part is to not lose yourself despite it being your focus. What helped us was full transparency with our family and friends and through this came a large support system. I once felt if I adopted that I would not have a connection because my baby did not grow in my womb, but that could not be further from the truth. Our bond felt instantaneously and all I can do is light up just thinking or speaking about him. Many families are in similar situations as you and it is my hope to break the stigma that comes with infertility. Best wishes to you on this journey, sending lots of love, prayers, and baby magic!